Computer wallpaper for Lens review readers

by Peter Zack

1. You own the camera and really aren’t sure if it actually works the way it should because some guy, on some forum, somewhere, swears that it can cook breakfast and make coffee.
2. You have a living room full of brick wall photos and there’s always room for more. You subscribe to www.brickwallphoto.com but they don’t add new photos fast enough. Camera and lens reviews add brick wall photos almost daily.
3. You haven’t looked at a newspaper in years and miss that feeling of reading the weekend edition on Sunday morning with a coffee in the den. You’re nostalgic and lens tests with newsprint comforts you psychologically.
4. You really understand what MTF means and understand how it’s measured. Math was your major and you still wear the black rimmed glasses from your graduate year.
5. You’re going to a party for the first time in 6 years and need something to talk about. Certainly everyone there will be interested in your riveting knowledge of field curvature, colour fringing, flare, ghosting, chromatic aberrations and vignetting. Your mission is to take the mystery out of the circle of confusion.
6. Viewing sample shots online is easier and cheaper than actually going out shooting.
7. You know the perfect lens is out there, it just has to be. Google just hasn’t revealed it to you yet.
8. You work on Wall St. and charts just make your blood pump that much faster.
9. When shooting, you get the deer to stand still while you measure the shooting distance from subject to camera. Each lens can only be used at its perfect object performance distance. Chance shots aren’t worth taking.
10. Bokeh is a religion, you crop all your images to eliminate the sharp subject and just print the backgrounds.

Cheers and good shooting.
–Peter Zack

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